The Blog.

There was a blog that L. wrote that referenced me, where she debated asking a boy that she liked or another mystery person from the GSA to prom. She asked the boy, because I asked the mistake, but a few weeks later I wrote this blog in a response to that (I cropped out the parts about the mistake).

Monday, May 21, 2007

PERFECTION is only skin deep… LOVE. LOSS. LUST.
Current mood:  contemplative

Hmmm… well I realized that I haven’t actually ever posted a real blog so I figure I might as well give it a try. I lot has happened in my life recently so I don’t even know where to begin. I guess if I just start writing it will all work itself out onto this screen. And what better place to start than the thing that everybody else can’t seem to get enough of… the LOVE LIFE.

I just assume that if people set their blogs to public then they want them to be read… right? I came across something that I am almost certain was referring to me on my crushes blog… about having interest in me and wanting to ask me out… but it was over a month old and if I have learned one thing in my life it is that things can change in an instant…

I have a borderline obsessive crush on someone… someone who I think is actually unfortunatly uninterested in me… now at least… ahhhhhhh but they are soooooo absolutely incredible, I can’t get over it. I started liking them at the beginning of 2007 but they found someone and TROUBLE found me.

I try my best to keep everything to myself because I doubt anything will ever happen and I don’t want to scare them away. Plus they will go to college next year and totally forget I ever even existed… story of my life. I’m thinking about asking them out, but I don’t know if I can. I’m so afraid for it to happen all over again. Or even worse… Rejection… I can’t take that…

…

From: reality hurts, but eventually you get numb

Perfection is what you make it. In my crazy world, perfection is how you interpret perfection. those were some of Newman’s words of wisdom. I’m so sorry that this person in your life wasn’t better to you, because you deserve so much better. Those are the people that are going to be alone, because they don’t know how to care for others. I know you’ll find someone who will care for you deeply. I, too, understand what it is like to be in a relationship where you give everything and the other person just doesn’t even care. You are such and amazing person, I know it sounds stupid but, I wish you could see that. As for this person that you’ve liked since the beginning of the year who’s going to college, well, their never going to know, unless you tell them. And if they are worth liking they will take advantage of the fact that they have someone who is almost worthy of the title Perfection in my eyes. I know that its easier said than done, but at least you will know. Don’t let a bad relationship with ****** discourage you. Don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on people, because rare, thought they are, there probably are some descent people out there. Unfortunately their well hidden. So take my somewhat hypocritical advise and tell this person. Look them up in the year book and give them a call. To end this somewhat, mushy comment, I say just one thing. I wish you could see how truly beautiful you are.

Posted by reality hurts, but eventually you get numb on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 – 12:02 AM
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Repost Within 5 Minutes and the Wish Will Come True…

O.I.W.I.W.A.O.M.W.

…

Give up?

….Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.

So the game is easy enough. A Myspace bulletin game that was quick to travel through my friends list and circle through the Myspace community. Simply put the first letters of each word of a secret that you have. I wished for her. She wished for… Well I still don’t know even today…

—————– Bulletin Message —————–

Subject: I.W.I.W.S.A.H.S.G.A.G.I.I.M.
From: reality hurts, but eventually you get numb
Date: May 12, 2007 10:20 AM

Type the first letter of every word in your wish, or your secret emotion.

Example: Like “I wish I could get to know that girl at the rec center” = I W I C G T K T B A T R C

Or “I want pudding” = I W P

Repost your wish for the title and within 5 minutes and the wish will come true

—————– Original Message —————–

From: imyourhappypill
Date: May 12, 2007 1:28 PM

hmmm I wish I was super ass horney stud girl and got icy igloos mmmmmmmmm er…what is it, am I close?

—————– Original Message —————–
From: reality hurts, but eventually you get numb
Date: May 15, 2007 4:19 PM

Oh yes, very close. Indians wish I was silencing heathens since God’s angry glory infests immigration matters. Thats my original thought of what I wanted to get across. But you were close.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: imyourhappypill
Date: May 15, 2007 5:25 PM

teehee for real???

you’re silly!

—————– New Message —————–

From: reality hurts, but eventually you get numb
To:imyourhappypill
Date:May 15, 2007 5:40 PM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: I.W.I.W.S.A.H.S.G.A.G.I.I.M.

Body:
No way, not for real. For Fake. See You tomorrow.

Myspace is the Place for… Romance.

Apr 30, 2007 10:58 PM
Props on going vegan! That’s awesome. All of us mos def need to hang out sometime. After-afterprom was freaking amazing. Harmony looks like it needs more doughnuts.
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Looks like my gay bff, spilled the beans. Told Miss. L. I was copying her and becoming a full blown vegan. Looks like she didn’t mind. I just wish that I could spend more time with her…

They Met in Chemistry Class

Let’s start at the beginning. Beginnings are often beautiful. Electricity at every touch, every glance, every sweet word. Though not much of a love letter, these were the first words that the girl across Mr. A’s Chemistry classroom ever wrote for me to read. The girl who sat nearly silent in the background of the GSA meetings. The girl whose demeanor allowed her to normally fade into the crowd, until you took a second, that’s when you couldn’t take your eyes off her. My first memory is not of petal soft lips, or aquamarine eyes, but of lacquered fingernails. Five to a hand, four panted black, one painted hot pink. One hot pink nail that caught my eye, and opened it. She wore the most inventive combinations of clothing, mostly consisting of black, black, off black, and black with bits and pieces of color slashed expertly into the ensemble. The final project gave her an ere of the sophisticated, like she popped wide-eyed out of a Vogue magazine gone Punk. Vintage hats, high sleek black heels, ripped tights, fitted suit jackets. She fascinated me. I wanted to know her, I wanted to…

Let’s fast forward a bit. Prom night (Junior Year for me, Senior for her). I had another girlfriend at the time, my first (mistake). I had stolen away in my old Subaru Forester to pick the prom date up in a town 3 hours away, ditching my ballet rehearsal, and not telling my parents, which I paid for dearly later. Prom was… not important what we are interested in is the after prom. The fates aligned and me, the prom date, my best gay friend, and the girl from chemistry class and her date ended up together, playing DDR of all things. Apparently my gay bff and Chemistry girl, who let’s call her L. are good buddies. We ended up stealing a butt load of doughnuts from the after prom and ambushing each other’s cars as we tore down the illuminated streets at 3 in the morning. We stopped off at a dirty Waffle House, to order hash browns from an arrogant waiter, as our eyes glinted with the mischief of the night. I remember her that night, not for her fingernails, but a single sideways glance and a half smile.

Two weeks later we tried to crash another after prom with them, this time unsuccessful.

Myspace: Apr 22, 2007 9:57 AM
Hey, thanks for trying to get us into after prom last night. Hope you had fun. We’ll have to throw doughnuts down harmony sometime.
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Welcome to Wonderland…

Down the rabbit hole.

Down.

Down.

Down.

We’ll fall until…

we’ll stop… at once with a thump. And when we pull ourselves together to look around we’ll find only black.

Hello Stranger, One might call me a modern day Alice. Let me tell you my story, let me show you my world, my Wonderland. This is a collection of words… words that melt my cold dead heart. These are the words of the purest truth. Love letters from a modern world, for a modern romance. A romance forbidden, secret, but most of all beautiful and innocent, even at it’s most ugly and vulgar.

So gather in close and let’s take a trip back in time and venture through the looking-glass to a familiar world. Together we can fall down the dark rabbit hole and floating aloft in the black I will carve open my chest and give to you the words that can still make my head reel and my heart beat dull. I will place before your eyes, the remains of the most beautiful thing I ever possessed. Welcome to Wonderland.